Why We Keep Turning Up

We know that many parent carers are angry, frustrated and exhausted by the SEND system. We understand why. Too many families have spent years fighting for support, repeating the same information, challenging decisions, waiting too long, and feeling unheard.

That history does not disappear because a meeting is called “engagement” or because a process is described as “co-production”. Trust has to be rebuilt through action, transparency and evidence that parent carer voice is actually changing decisions.

We have also heard, directly, from parent carers who feel that forums like ours should walk away. Some feel that being in the room makes us tokenistic. Some feel that engagement has become performative. Some feel that parent carer voice is being used to tick a box rather than shape real change.

We hear that. We take it seriously. And we understand where it comes from.

But we also believe this work is too important to walk away from.

Being in the room does not mean we think co-production is already happening. It does not mean we are satisfied with late-stage consultation, finished plans, or being asked for comments after decisions have already moved through governance. We have said, repeatedly and clearly, that being informed afterwards is not co-production.

True co-production means being involved from the beginning, while ideas are still being shaped, options are still open, and parent carer experience can genuinely influence what happens next.

That is what we keep asking for.

We have challenged this. Repeatedly. Sometimes very strongly. We have raised the same point again and again: parent carer voice needs to be part of the work before decisions are made, not after the direction has already been set.

But if we leave the room entirely, we remove even the small amount of influence we currently have.

For us, it is a bit like voting. Having a vote does not mean the system is fair, representative or good enough. It does not mean we should be satisfied with a tiny amount of influence. But not voting removes even that small point of influence. So we use the influence we have, while continuing to push for something better.

We push for earlier involvement.

We push for more transparency.

We push for better communication.

We push for roundtables with MPs and decision-makers.

We push for clear evidence of where parent carer feedback has changed decisions.

We push because parent carers have asked us to.

Co-production is built on relationships, but that does not mean liking each other, smoothing things over, or pretending everything is fine. A real working relationship must be honest enough to hold challenge. It must be strong enough for difficult truths. It must allow parent carers to say, clearly and repeatedly: “this is not good enough.”

That is what we are trying to do.

We are here. We are speaking the truth as families share it with us. We are raising what parent carers tell us, even when it is uncomfortable. We are asking, again and again, to be involved earlier and more meaningfully.

We are not accepting tokenism. We are using every bit of access we have to push against it.

We also need to be honest about something else. When parent carers are set against each other, it helps no one except those who would rather our voices were quieter, smaller and easier to manage. If some families campaign from outside the room, that matters. If some families challenge through public pressure, that matters. If some families feed into forums, meetings, surveys and coffee mornings, that matters too.

There is not only one legitimate way to raise parent carer voice.

We can challenge from different places without undermining each other. We can stand outside the room, sit at the table, write to MPs, attend protests, complete surveys, speak at meetings, share experiences online, and still be part of the same wider demand: that children and young people with SEND, and their families, deserve better.

Divide and conquer only works if we accept the division.

We do not.

CPCF will keep gathering parent carer voice through check-ins, coffee mornings, online meet-ups, surveys, direct conversations and community links. Every piece of feedback helps us say more clearly: this is what families are experiencing, this is what needs to change, and this is where the system must do better.

We know trust is fragile. We know frustration is real. We know families are tired. We are tired too.

But we are not walking away.

We will keep turning up.

We will keep challenging.

We will keep asking to be involved earlier.

We will keep pushing for co-production that is real, visible and meaningful.

And wherever parent carers are raising their voices, inside the room or outside it, we hope we can raise them together.

Because we genuinely believe that when parent carer voices are heard, outcomes for children improve.